| 10.04.03: | |
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Heathcliff Parade Draws Protestors
] by chaired 
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Rupies: 5 ( + / - ) |
The 12th annual Heathcliff parade caused quite a stir this week as dozens of attendants became unruly and began vicious riots. Taking place in Utah (the birth state of Heathcliff), thousands of people showed up to pay homage to this wise cracking feline. This year the parade took a turn for the worst as violence erupted, causing several injuries and sending more than 20 Heathcliff fanatics to the emergency room. This parade saw more protestors than ever before, says parade organizer Leo Ploovis. So you might wonder what type of protests a parade can attract; especially a parade celebrating a moslty forgotten about comic cat. As it turns out, the majority of the protests were not about George W. Bush's miserable foreign/domestic policies; but rather the lifestyle of Heathcliff creator William Collins. It seems that many residents of Utah had been doing research on Mr. Collins and they happened to stumble upon a journal he had kept many years ago. The journal dates from the early beginnings of Heathcliff (1825) and continues through the last days of Mr. Collin's life (1875). According to several of his journal entries, William spent many hours performing cat abortions in order to control the ever growing cat population. In a conservative state like Utah, where abortions of any kind are unheard of, this information led to the creation of the group U.T.A.H. (United Team Against Heatchcliff). This recent parade, in which U.T.A.H. collectively took their anger out upon innocent Heathcliff enthusiasts, was just the first in a line of planned demonstrations.
William Collins...cat lover or cat killer?
An exerpt from the now famous journal.
William never went to medical school and his journal teaches us that he would demonstrate his ritual in a forest using twigs and big leaves. The early sketches and comics of Heathcliff, inspired by a kitten belonging to a local librarian, contained subtle yet subversive pro abortion references. After Mr. Collins unusual death of being trapped inside of a piano, his family sold off the Heathcliff license in the 1950's to avoid being associated with the poisoned ideas William once had. Whether or not you agree with the practices of William Collins, you can be rest assured that Jim Davis (father of Garfield) has never given an abortion nor has he ever had sex.
- Chaired
6 Replies
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A soused and sexed-up Heathcliff in the back of a '67 Monte Carlo with a bottle o' Hennessy and a "Mama's Family" Lunchbox...bring back some memories, anyone? Come on. Jim Ponds knows what I'm talkin' about.
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Steve Miller
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Happy Birthday Paul... How many candles are you? You should meet me and my friend E.T. in the woods; but don't forget to bring saw blades and video games.
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Beth
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Encyclopedia Blues
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First of all Heathcliff is only famous because he's black.Secondly, I took a crap the other day, and the turd looked like an aborted kitten, which proves the feminazis our out to make me look bad.Thirdly, since the "Spendo"crats are finding ways to smear our great leader, they'll probably win the next round of elections, which assures me a short prison term while they plunge our great nation back into debt,Fourthly, my first comment was strictly in regards to the leftist media's potrayal of Heatcliff.
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Rush Dimbulb
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dont worry son it will all be over soon.
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corporate guy
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I simply love Heathcliff and hate abortions...what do I do?
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Billy Norris
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